IT'S ABOUT TIME

After my Mother's wake in November, I hit the ground running. I drove straight home to NC and began writing the book, ASK THE MUSE. It was published 3 weeks after I wrote my 1st sentence. From there, I drove back to New York were I spent Christmas with family and raced home to ring in the new year with Julitto. The month of January was spent obsessing over the new puppies and clinging to my husband, bracing us all for our 1st deployment. By February, my website was a buzz and clients were pouring in. Julit shipped out last Saturday, and just hours after our kiss goodbye, one of my best friends ditched her Florida weather to greet me with a smile, moving in for the week, and refusing to let me fall. The morning she returned to the sunshine state, I packed up my car and two fur-babies and we were off to "estate-sit." 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 2 kitchens, two 3-month old puppies, a 13 year old lab mix, 3 cats, 20 chickens, and a couple of pre-teen girls. Yea, okay..I go this!

All of sudden, everything got quiet. The children were off to school, the pets entertaining themselves on the acres of property, and there I sat on a blanket under the sun, tanning, and reflecting. That's when it hit me...."omg, my Mom died."

Just like that. As if a brick had fallen from the sky. I have heard of things like this, people saying "it hasn't hit you yet." I thought that was the most ridiculous saying. One doesn't avoid emotions, I was the queen of emotions! Riding high on my spirituality and tapping in to the Universe, truly feeling her. My intuitive gifts were my coping mechanism. Or so I thought. And in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to turn to my other half, and yet....he was without contact and communication privileges. He was gone. Deployed. Destination unknown. For the rest of this year. Whoa...

And so, it "HIT." All of it. Every moment. I called my Dad, surprised by my own tears and he said, "well, it's about time."

I did not make myself wrong that sunny afternoon. In fact, I sat with it. I stayed present and aware of everything I was feeling and simply allowed myself to feel it. The entire day.

By sunrise, I was whole again. Moving forward and regaining my momentum. Okay, so I'm not bulletproof after-all. But, I think for the 1st time, that is alright with me. :)