SOL7; illuminate mind, body, soul.

Two days ago my father called with an update on my mother. Only, this call was different. Since diagnosed in May, daily updates are part of the routine. Most often from my sister, sometimes my father, and when she was feeling up to it, my mother could get on the phone and give me the direct update herself. Sometime last week, things took an unexpected turn and my mother landed back inside the walls of a hospital. With the pain increasing and the fatigue complet ely taking over, she has lost the desire to eat and even some times, take a sip of water. Surrounded by love, it is sadly a fair guess that we are close to the end of her time in this realm and I am currently preparing myself to make that long drive to New York. I can honestly say, it would assume that I am going to say "goodbye." But no. I do not believe there is such a thing. As a daughter, I am dreading (and slightly fearful) to see my mother in such a state of deterioration, however, I believe in my heart it

Last week I had a heart to heart chat with one of my girlfriend besties about the choice to say NO. We all have it, but we all don't exercise this right. It is often common to fall into the "people pleasing" trap. It's pure instinct to go with the heard and be one with your tribe, only modern day points at our tribe being society. It is that gravitational pull to not want someone in your world such as a friend, relative, co-worker, boss, or passing acquaintance to b e upset with you in anyway. We dodge the word "No" to avoid judgement, conflict, and/or disappointing someone. Besides, who doesn't want to liked?! Of course we want to be liked. But at what cost? There is a difference between being "liked" by others vs. having other's like what you can do for them. The most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves. Lending a helping hand is a great thing! Selflessness and good deeds are the vibration that lifts this planet u

Today, I reflect. On this day last year. October 29th, this was the day I told Julitto that we could finally get married! ....hmmm. What an odd sentence. Let's back track, shall we? I left my old life in March 2015. I say "old life" instead of "1st marriage" because it really wasn't much of a marriage in retrospect. However, no one's fault specifically. It just simply, wasn't. I spent the following 6 months hanging from the roof tops as a self-proclaimed wild child, running 90mph away from inner work and towards everything toxic. 7 months later the needle came off the record and the music stopped when I slammed into my match. My Twin Flame. My future husband. So, here we were....two crazy kids madly in love. But on paper? I was still a legally married woman. How taboo! We dove head first into his military life, side by side. Letters in bootcamp, phone calls during SOI, and eventually getting nestled "down South." He lived on base and

ME: "So ya know how Facebook does these flashback memory moments right? This day two years I was dancing on a train with a girl I had just met. Like, I introduced myself to her and we twerked. We twerked. On a train. And I videoed it and put it on the internet. ((pause))) What? I watched the video and cringed. I don't even know me two years ago. I watched and thought, what was I so desperate to prove? To be the boldest? A self-proclaimed "wild child?" The conce pt is cool and all, about reaching out to others and connecting, but it's just so loud. So extra. As if it wasn't a natural occurrence at all, but more like something that needed to be expressed and praised by others. Congratulations, you have no chill factor? I dunno....I'm rambling now. I just do not realize how much I have transitioned. Seeing who we are now, our dynamic as a unit, I cannot help but look at the past and be surprised you gave me such a fair shot. I preached in your face about