DO YOU TRUST THE UNIVERSE?

Today, I reflect. On this day last year. October 29th, this was the day I told Julitto that we could finally get married! ....hmmm. What an odd sentence. Let's back track, shall we?

I left my old life in March 2015. I say "old life" instead of "1st marriage" because it really wasn't much of a marriage in retrospect. However, no one's fault specifically. It just simply, wasn't. I spent the following 6 months hanging from the roof tops as a self-proclaimed wild child, running 90mph away from inner work and towards everything toxic. 7 months later the needle came off the record and the music stopped when I slammed into my match. My Twin Flame. My future husband.

So, here we were....two crazy kids madly in love. But on paper? I was still a legally married woman. How taboo! We dove head first into his military life, side by side. Letters in bootcamp, phone calls during SOI, and eventually getting nestled "down South." He lived on base and I decided to cross off a bucket list adventure and throw a tent up on the beach an hour and half from his barracks. Life was a party! For 3 months. By the last month, that 4th month in the tent, things got rough. But nobody knew. I didn't tell anyone, until right now....

The restaurant I was working at went completely ghost after Labor Day and the town was simply not hiring. 10-20 applications a week, and nothing. The money was gone and it was getting colder and colder out. My tent life went from an amazing experience to feeling near homeless in just a matter of weeks. I was ready to be with Julitto full time. I missed seeing him everyday. I missed living with him like before the Marine Core. I missed four walls and heat!!!! I was scared.

Mid-October of last year I called up to the local Courthouse in New York to check on the progress and status of my divorce. Oh how I longed for the that final document to be signed off. The signature of freedom! One Judge to set me free from a life I didn't want and into the arms of the only human I ever loved. With tears in my eyes, I heard something I thought could only be a joke. "We are sorry, we cannot locate your papers filed. You will have to refile." A statement by a secretary that bought me to my knees. How is this possible? After a year of processing, I had to start over? No. It can't be. Please no.

I crumbled that week and cried with my head on Julitto's chest all weekend. It felt like we were never going to get to be together! And then he spoke....

"Do you trust the Universe?"

If I know in my soul that him and I are truly spiritually assigned to one another, then that HOW doesn't matter. It will just happen. It just...will. Perhaps this was the Universe testing my true faith?

On October 28th I received a phone call, which felt like it was from God Himself. A helpful secretary who once heard my tears over the phone, decided to dig. She FOUND my file and it WAS signed after all!!!!! The next day, I drove that 90 minute drive down Hwy 53 and picked up Julitto for the weekend. He jumped into my car at the guest visitor center parking lot, and I took off like a bat out of hell. I drove for only a minute, when I pulled over into a Bojangles parking lot, looked him in the face and told him the news, "We can get married!" He cried.

On Facebook, I posted all the positive things like our hiking adventures, the cool hurricane tent parties, and even the moment we announced to the world our intention to become married and high-fived to an official engagement. All true. All happy times. What wasn't posted about, was the bad times. The tears. The fear. The days he had to get up at 3am on Monday morning and be driven back to base. The moments I was in the negatives and ate unwanted food off dis-guarded plates in the back of the restaurant I was waitressing at. Those moments were secret, until today.

This morning, we slept in, snuggled tight in our giant warm bed with our puppy sneaking in between, while the coffee brewed downstairs. Husband and wife. A family. My everything.

Looking back I am almost embarrassed at how I dared to doubt my faith. However, instead of placing my energy in the direction, I will pace it on gratitude. I am forever grateful for my life today.