Two days ago my father called with an update on my mother. Only, this call was different. Since diagnosed in May, daily updates are part of the routine. Most often from my sister, sometimes my father, and when she was feeling up to it, my mother could get on the phone and give me the direct update herself. Sometime last week, things took an unexpected turn and my mother landed back inside the walls of a hospital. With the pain increasing and the fatigue completely taking over, she has lost the desire to eat and even some times, take a sip of water. Surrounded by love, it is sadly a fair guess that we are close to the end of her time in this realm and I am currently preparing myself to make that long drive to New York.
I can honestly say, it would assume that I am going to say "goodbye." But no. I do not believe there is such a thing. As a daughter, I am dreading (and slightly fearful) to see my mother in such a state of deterioration, however, I believe in my heart it is vital that we are together as a family. 
I already miss her. But I must remember, that I only miss what it is that I know. What we know is limited. Earth form. Our human bodies. The soul is eternal and a mother-daughter bond unbreakable. I do believe our connection will be felt no matter where her soul chooses to travel. I am hopeful, that just like my other relatives that have ditched their physical form to fly free, communication between us will still surface. Perhaps, even more so. Right now, my heart bleeds for others... my Dad who does not know life without her by his side, my nieces who are simply just to young to be exposed to such emotional grief, my sister who "must" stay strong as a mother of those girls, and for my Aunt, who only just recently re-connected with my mother - which bonded them tighter than ever before.
I already miss her. But I must remember, that I only miss what it is that I know. What we know is limited. Earth form. Our human bodies. The soul is eternal and a mother-daughter bond unbreakable. I do believe our connection will be felt no matter where her soul chooses to travel. I am hopeful, that just like my other relatives that have ditched their physical form to fly free, communication between us will still surface. Perhaps, even more so. Right now, my heart bleeds for others... my Dad who does not know life without her by his side, my nieces who are simply just to young to be exposed to such emotional grief, my sister who "must" stay strong as a mother of those girls, and for my Aunt, who only just recently re-connected with my mother - which bonded them tighter than ever before.
In these moments of frightful and depressing anticipation, I also remind myself that even still, we are the lucky ones. We have had the past 5 months to come together as a family and have numerous powerful conversations, closure, and unity. Not a stone left un-turned. I know exactly who my mother and I are, our relationship, and all that we have taught each other along the way. As my mom said over the Spring, "we were not one of those families who lost a parent in the Twin Towers. Sudden and tragic." She spoke about the gift of time and knowledge. This family has learned a lot about Cancer and the important of sticking together, letting the small nonsense go, and rising above everything in strength. We are each strong in our own way.
I will spend the next several days, rearranging my various work schedules, getting the car road trip ready, and finishing up the puppy process so Tao can be enrolled in a Doggy Daycare facility. I will never "be ready" for all that currently resides up North, but who is? I am just going to throw the car in drive and tell my spirit guides to buckle up....
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