SAYING NO

Last week I had a heart to heart chat with one of my girlfriend besties about the choice to say NO. We all have it, but we all don't exercise this right. It is often common to fall into the "people pleasing" trap. It's pure instinct to go with the heard and be one with your tribe, only modern day points at our tribe being society. It is that gravitational pull to not want someone in your world such as a friend, relative, co-worker, boss, or passing acquaintance to be upset with you in anyway. We dodge the word "No" to avoid judgement, conflict, and/or disappointing someone. Besides, who doesn't want to liked?! Of course we want to be liked. But at what cost? There is a difference between being "liked" by others vs. having other's like what you can do for them.

The most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves. Lending a helping hand is a great thing! Selflessness and good deeds are the vibration that lifts this planet up into the Universe. However, to do so with boundaries is key. Setting boundaries is not always the easiest of tasks, but it is of most importance. I will share with you the list of questions that run through my brain before I commit to "helping" another:

1) On what scale will this inconvenience me? (Example: Allowing someone to stay the week is do-able and most of the time, enjoyable! Allowing someone to live in my home for over a month, GREAT inconvience.)

2) What are ALL my options to help this person, outside of the specific task they are seeking? (Example: My pet peeve is when other's ask to borrow money. The answer is always no. Instead, I look beyond that to what they need the money FOR. You're buying a new dress for the ball? I have several you may pick from to borrow.)

3) Am I obligated to this? (Example: This comes into play often when it comes to work. You show up for your shift. Other's not for theirs. Is it TRULY you're obligation to cover? Often, no.)

4) Is this workable? (Example: Simply, will this work for all? If I jump into this task for another, what chips will fall in the process? Does this negatively affect my husband? Did we have plans? Does my dog miss his/her walk? Do I have to cancel an appointment? Will I be late? Kinda like JENGA. If you help, it is a domino effect of inconvenience for others?)

Okay, so you get the idea. And this may very well be a CONTROVERSY blog! (Oh my!) Because to some, it appears I am selfish. Maybe I am...to an extent. Or maybe I preach to not allow other people's f**k-ups to f**k up your day. I say HELP OTHERS! Reach out and help... where you CAN. You can help people without inner stress, personal financial strain, or the need to rearrange your life. HELP...but with boundaries.