On Friday, November 10th 2017, my mother decided she had enough cancer and she set her soul free. The next 48 hours that followed have been a whirlwind of LOVE. Sadness was present, but love overtook it all...with strength sitting like a cherry on top and unity being the sprinkles. Last night, I took a seat next to my father and watched my sister step up - and I don't just mean to the front of the room. She was like a beautiful Phoenix. A natural leader and forever an inspiration to me, my sister stood at the podium and spoke......
This is the eulogy she wrote, read, and truly blessed us with. With a proud heart I share it with you all:
"My mom~ Less than six months ago, my mother walked into my house, ushered me into my backyard and with tears in her eyes, we sat down. I knew what she was going to say before she uttered a word… I just wanted to freeze time… to stop the awful news from coming but I couldn’t and she whispered to me that she had cancer. And we cried and we hugged and then I began preparing for this day… hoping and praying the entire time that a miracle would happen. That somehow, someway we would be spared this pain and this heartbreak we feel today. I prayed hard that day for a miracle…
But that is not what my mother believed nor wanted… she did not want us praying for a miracle… she did not look at cancer as a tragedy. And she did not want us looking at it like that either. You see, my mother is the strongest person I know… a force to be reckoned with, and when faced with adversity she always rose above. Time and time again. My mother believed strongly that we are all on a journey… and we don’t always understand or have all the answers for our journey, but this was just another part of her life’s journey. She wanted us to accept this journey. She said from the beginning of the diagnoses that cancer was a blessing… a blessing???? Seriously, I thought she had lost her mind… and I told her so… but she held my hand and told me that knowing she was going to die gave her a gift, the opportunity to tell me, my sister, my father, my girls, my whole family how much she loved us. It gave us many opportunities to share stories, to reminisce, to laugh, to hold each other, to love and to say goodbye. She told me that real tragedies happen every day in our world, but this… a 63 year old woman passing of cancer… was not one of them. She compared a real tragedy to 9/11. And how those families lost their loved ones in a blink of an eye… no goodbyes, no I love yous… She compared a real tragedy to the children and babies at St. Judes’s fighting for their lives and the grief their parents were enduring. She promised me that she would make me proud of her and she would fight hard, and god did she ever… We called her our warrior because no matter what this god awful disease threw at her, she was ready for a battle. And she promised me that she would never give up hope… but even though she was fighting for her life, she would not to be sitting around feeling sorry for herself and we were to follow her lead. We were to rise up to cancer, because she was not letting it take our family down. Maybe this, the way she handled her fight for her life, was the greatest gift my mother could have ever given me.
So today we are not going to cry at the loss of my mother, but instead we are going to celebrate the amazing person she was.
As a kindergarten teacher I can’t help but think of the Dr. Seuss quote, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” So if you are sitting here and were lucky enough to know my mother, than you should be smiling… because what an amazing, incredible person you had in your life.
I am the person I am today, because of the woman who raised me. My mother was a strong woman, a confident woman, a woman who believed with her whole heart that life was for living. She showed me to dream big and in order to achieve those dreams I would have to work hard. She told me often that I could do anything I put my mind to. My mother was my friend, my cheerleader, my go to person. She passed down to me her love for reading, baking, and of course shopping… She was the most real person I know. Nothing fake or phony about her. She was sarcastic and funny. There was no beating around the bush with my mother… She told it like it was. She had a million sayings and she wasn’t afraid of using them. One of the greatest life lessons she taught my sister and I at an early age was not to be judgmental towards others. She taught us that every person has a story and never judge another because you never know their whole story.
My mother had a lot of roles throughout her life besides of course being my mother… She was a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a mother in law, a friend, a nurse… and many more…. I can’t really speak to those roles… but I can speak to the role she took on in the last 10 years. The role that she may have been the most excited for, that gave her the most joy… and she was most proud of…. And that was the role of being a grandmother. She was nana to my girls and she was the most amazing nana ever… she showed my girls unconditional love like no other. Started traditions that I promised to them that I will continue. I could stand here and be angry, very angry and hurt and confused as to why this role was cut short… way too short. Angry that my girls are being robbed of having the best nana on earth watch them grow up. I could be devastated that I can’t turn to my mother and ask her for advice or listen to me vent as I raise two daughters going into their teen years… or I can take a moment and reflect. I can go back to her words and know that anytime my girls had with her was a blessing. I feel strong enough in their relationship to know with all my heart that the short time they had together will forever impact their lives. Just like I know that anytime you had with mom will forever impact your lives.
How lucky am I? She used to say about having me and Chrissy as her daughters about having Dana and Keira has granddaughters… but she had it backwards… how lucky are we… how lucky am I that I got to be her daughter.
The night my mother asked me to give this eulogy was of course extremely difficult. She wanted to be sure that there was only one speech tonight and she asked me if I was up for the task. She apologized and asked me if it was a burden and I will tell you the same thing I told her that night… It is an honor and a privilege to be her daughter and it was an honor and privilege to stand before you tonight and speak about my mother.
Growing up we sang and danced to Diana Ross often… It was our mantra… so my sweet mom I turn to you tonight and in the words of Diana Ross… there ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you ….
Guide us and watch over us… I know you will be with us and we will continue to make you proud.
Until we meet again, mom. I love you."
But that is not what my mother believed nor wanted… she did not want us praying for a miracle… she did not look at cancer as a tragedy. And she did not want us looking at it like that either. You see, my mother is the strongest person I know… a force to be reckoned with, and when faced with adversity she always rose above. Time and time again. My mother believed strongly that we are all on a journey… and we don’t always understand or have all the answers for our journey, but this was just another part of her life’s journey. She wanted us to accept this journey. She said from the beginning of the diagnoses that cancer was a blessing… a blessing???? Seriously, I thought she had lost her mind… and I told her so… but she held my hand and told me that knowing she was going to die gave her a gift, the opportunity to tell me, my sister, my father, my girls, my whole family how much she loved us. It gave us many opportunities to share stories, to reminisce, to laugh, to hold each other, to love and to say goodbye. She told me that real tragedies happen every day in our world, but this… a 63 year old woman passing of cancer… was not one of them. She compared a real tragedy to 9/11. And how those families lost their loved ones in a blink of an eye… no goodbyes, no I love yous… She compared a real tragedy to the children and babies at St. Judes’s fighting for their lives and the grief their parents were enduring. She promised me that she would make me proud of her and she would fight hard, and god did she ever… We called her our warrior because no matter what this god awful disease threw at her, she was ready for a battle. And she promised me that she would never give up hope… but even though she was fighting for her life, she would not to be sitting around feeling sorry for herself and we were to follow her lead. We were to rise up to cancer, because she was not letting it take our family down. Maybe this, the way she handled her fight for her life, was the greatest gift my mother could have ever given me.
So today we are not going to cry at the loss of my mother, but instead we are going to celebrate the amazing person she was.
As a kindergarten teacher I can’t help but think of the Dr. Seuss quote, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” So if you are sitting here and were lucky enough to know my mother, than you should be smiling… because what an amazing, incredible person you had in your life.
I am the person I am today, because of the woman who raised me. My mother was a strong woman, a confident woman, a woman who believed with her whole heart that life was for living. She showed me to dream big and in order to achieve those dreams I would have to work hard. She told me often that I could do anything I put my mind to. My mother was my friend, my cheerleader, my go to person. She passed down to me her love for reading, baking, and of course shopping… She was the most real person I know. Nothing fake or phony about her. She was sarcastic and funny. There was no beating around the bush with my mother… She told it like it was. She had a million sayings and she wasn’t afraid of using them. One of the greatest life lessons she taught my sister and I at an early age was not to be judgmental towards others. She taught us that every person has a story and never judge another because you never know their whole story.
My mother had a lot of roles throughout her life besides of course being my mother… She was a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a mother in law, a friend, a nurse… and many more…. I can’t really speak to those roles… but I can speak to the role she took on in the last 10 years. The role that she may have been the most excited for, that gave her the most joy… and she was most proud of…. And that was the role of being a grandmother. She was nana to my girls and she was the most amazing nana ever… she showed my girls unconditional love like no other. Started traditions that I promised to them that I will continue. I could stand here and be angry, very angry and hurt and confused as to why this role was cut short… way too short. Angry that my girls are being robbed of having the best nana on earth watch them grow up. I could be devastated that I can’t turn to my mother and ask her for advice or listen to me vent as I raise two daughters going into their teen years… or I can take a moment and reflect. I can go back to her words and know that anytime my girls had with her was a blessing. I feel strong enough in their relationship to know with all my heart that the short time they had together will forever impact their lives. Just like I know that anytime you had with mom will forever impact your lives.
How lucky am I? She used to say about having me and Chrissy as her daughters about having Dana and Keira has granddaughters… but she had it backwards… how lucky are we… how lucky am I that I got to be her daughter.
The night my mother asked me to give this eulogy was of course extremely difficult. She wanted to be sure that there was only one speech tonight and she asked me if I was up for the task. She apologized and asked me if it was a burden and I will tell you the same thing I told her that night… It is an honor and a privilege to be her daughter and it was an honor and privilege to stand before you tonight and speak about my mother.
Growing up we sang and danced to Diana Ross often… It was our mantra… so my sweet mom I turn to you tonight and in the words of Diana Ross… there ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you ….
Guide us and watch over us… I know you will be with us and we will continue to make you proud.
Until we meet again, mom. I love you."
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