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THE WEDDING DRESS


For those that have read "Ask The Muse" you know that the first story in that blog book begins with me leaving a marriage. What isn't discussed, is all that came before that moment. In 2009 I was engaged and planning a sincerely over-the-top affair at one of the most beautiful venues on Long Island. For two and half years, my Mother and I worked side by side like little elves, growing closer than ever before. My heart and soul knew that I had no business walking down that isle, but there was a laundry list of reasons I proceeded, and enjoying the new-found relationship with Mom, was one of them.
It was the 2nd dress I put on. It was a pure white, strapless, corset wedding ballgown that fit me like a princess. I loved that dress. In fact, the entire day was magic. Looking back now, I can see that even going into that morning was mostly just about me and my Mother. It had become our moment of triumph, celebration of life, and passing of the torch. It seemed to symbolize my long-awaited step into adulthood. The fact that I was truly not in love, well...as you read in the book, that was a secret I even tried keeping from myself.
As I sip my 5am coffee and blog about this all now, it is not to help turn time and guide night into morning. It is so I can tell you this...
This past Saturday I took the last remaining piece of my old life and handed it off. In 2011, the dress was cleaned and boxed professional, yet, then sat alone in a closet ever since. There was a piece of me that couldn't part with it. Not because of old lover's nostalgia, but because every time I saw that princess gown, I thought of my Mother. You would think her passing last month would only make these emotions intensify, but instead, i realized something that i had not realized before. Her energy is everywhere, including that dress. That dress is a symbol of love, family, friendship, and how NOTHING in life is a mistake, because it is all a part of your path and soul growth. How selfish would I be to keep it locked up in the darkness? It was time to share this positivity with the world. As far as I am concerned, the dress was no longer mine, and hadn't been in a very long time.
I walked into Veteran Thrift Store of America in Jacksonville, right across the street from the New Bridge Organic Market, and handed her over. I didn't feel as if I was making a donation, but more like I was carrying out someone else's wish. The dress already belongs to someone out their in the Universe, I can feel it. A young woman who may fall in love with it the same way we all once did.  After all, there is not a doubt in my mind that my Mother doesn't already have her next bride picked out.

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